When I was still young, I always wanted to be a lawyer. Why? Because I love to reason out. However, that dream fades away when I learned that it takes thousand bucks to pursue such career.
Reasoning out implies two things on some people. One, they thought you are arrogant to act such way. Two, you are too confident as if you are superior than them. But for me, that is such a disgusting perception. To reason out doesn’t mean you are arrogant nor overly confident of yourself. To think, I have nothing to brag about and why should I? I don’t even own my life so there’s no enough reason for me to act such way. To reason out means to speak out your mind; to express what’s in your heart. There’s no pun intended. It is with the receiver on how he/she perceives it. Maybe the reason why people sometimes over react when somebody voice out their opinion is because they are kind of guilty with what the person are trying to express, or perhaps their pride just cannot accept the fact that what you are trying to tell them is indeed true. If all of us will think that to reason out is a sign of arrogance then conflict will surely arises.
How to avoid conflict then?
Learn to listen and comprehend what the other person is trying to say. If there’s a need for you to understand the situation then do it. Never judge the person. Try to understand what made him/her think that way. If you do not understand his/her point, ask but in a manner that won’t provoke the situation. Try to consider the reason why such reasoning out happened? What is your contribution? How can you be a part of the solution? Retaliation is never a good option. It will only cause the conflict to grow more.
Let’s take into consideration the graphic below:
courtesy of google images
In prior conditions stage, this is where the conflict begins. It could be situational, there might be a heated arguments that took place between the two concerned persons. It might be just a simple case of miscommunication but not given enough consideration thus the conflict begins.
In frustration awareness stage, either of the two involved persons got an ill-feeling towards the other. On this stage, if pride prevails to either of the two, that’s where the dilemma begins. Questions like what cause him/her to react that way should be taken into consideration. If you are part of the reason why he/she got frustrated and you are completely aware of it, do not retaliate when he/she voiced out his/her feelings. Try to let him/her understand the situation. Do not just simply judge him/her as somewhat arrogant.
In active conflict stage, other parties might get involve thus making the situation more complicated. It is hard to mend a broken relationship when more and more people are getting affected.
In solution or non-solution stage,this is more stressful. There should be somebody who is matured enough and knows how to weigh things out to mediate in the situation. The presence of this person is not to alleviate the conflict but rather, his presence should signify reconciliation. But before it could possibly happen, such person should know well the origin of the conflict.
In follow-up stage, it could be easier to forget but somehow it is harder to forget especially if the situation involves too many persons.
In resolved stage, this might take for long but if love will prevail instead of pride, real reconciliation is possible.
Why I am discussing all these things? Because lately, two significant people in my life just get me wrong just for reasoning out.